Home Biz Funnies

Add a Comment

Comment by WARREN L JONES on October 20, 2009 at 4:42am

Comment by WARREN L JONES on October 18, 2009 at 8:31am

Comment by Charles Haire on October 1, 2009 at 11:55am

Three small kids were bragging about how tough they were. “I’m so tough”, said the first little boy, “that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.” The second little boy said, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.” “That’s nothing”, said the third child. “When my parents take me to see my Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in an hour."

Comment by Charles Haire on October 1, 2009 at 11:54am

Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.

Comment by Charles Haire on October 1, 2009 at 11:54am

Little Johnny was raking leaves with his Dad who was telling him about how the fairies turned the leaves brown. He looked up puzzled and said: Dad haven’t you ever heard of photosynthesis?”

Comment by Gary DeWayne Telford on June 20, 2009 at 9:31am

Thanks for the invite

Comment by Angel1 on February 15, 2009 at 1:26am

A Valentines Day Ballad to tickle your funny bone.

Luella's Fella

There once was a girl named Luella
Who had her eye on a mighty nice fella
But her hygiene was bad
He told her "Please don't be mad,
But I really can not stand your smella."

She was determined to win him over
So in the bath, she poured crimson and clover
Then she jumped in the tub
And with soap she did scrub
Thinking soon he would be her lover.

With shampoo she did take such great care
To wash out all the spiders from her hair
They had made a nest from her locks
And mice had eaten her frock
She had not a new one to spare.

She donned the best dress she could find
With her beau always in mind
Once she was clean
She did primp and preen
Even powdering up her behind.

But alas, he found another
Luella thought she'd surely smother
There were tears in her eyes
As they said their good-byes
But she settled for his younger brother.


Copyright ©2009 Kaye Lynne Booth

Comment by Charles Haire on February 10, 2009 at 9:47am

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope
> you're sitting down
> when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story
> ever, first
> date or not!!! Many of us have had bad dates, but this
> takes the cake.
>
> Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most
> embarrassing first date
> that a woman ever had.
>
> The winner described her worst first date experience. There
> was
> absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
>
> She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and
> the guy had
> taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City,
> Utah.
>
> It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers,
> after all, and
> truly had never met before. The outing was fun, the skiing
> great, the
> coffee hot. The day was uneventful until they were headed
> home late that
> afternoon.
>
> They were driving back down the mountain, when she
> gradually began to
> realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
>
> They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room
> and, to top
> it off, they were in the middle of nowhere!
>
> Her companion recognized her discomfort, and suggested she
> try to hold
> it, which she did for a while.
>
> Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,
> there came a
> point where she told him that he had better stop and let
> her go beside
> the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
>
> They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,
> yanked her
> pants down and started.
>
> In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she
> let her butt rest
> against the rear fender to steady herself.
>
> Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for
> traffic and
> indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All
> she could
> think about was the relief she felt despite the rather
> embarrassing
> nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon
> became aware
> of another sensation.
>
> As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered
> her buttocks
> were firmly glued against the car's fender!
>
> Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to
> mind as she
> attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was
> quickly
> apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the
> extreme cold.
>
> Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the
> moment, she
> answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking
> so long' with a reply
> that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in
> need of some
> assistance!
>
> He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
> her sweater
> and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst
> out
> laughing.
>
> She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
> compose
> themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
>
> Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also
> were faced with
> a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to
> free her
> chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
>
> Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in
> the first
> place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to
> get her
> free.
>
> So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date
> proceeded to unzip
> his pants and pee her bottom off the fender. As the
> audience screamed in
> laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or
> perhaps that
> should be 'pants down.'
>
> 'Did you ever see the young man again?' asked Mr.
> Leno. 'I married him,'
> was the reply. 'He's sitting right here next to
> me.'
>

Comment by Karen Taylor on February 5, 2009 at 6:29am

I've received this message from my sister-in-law in Ohio:

http://www.cbs.com/specials/grammys/moment/

"Dear friends,
I just got a phone call from Dean, who helps us with the farm. His son submitted a video on CBS.com My Grammy Moment entitled The Nerd Scott. Out of 3000 entries he his now in the top ten. The winner wins $5000. which he could really use towards college. He is thinking about UC majoring in engineering. He is a senior at Napoleon High School in northwestern Ohio.
I have watched Scott grow up and he is really a smart and witty kid. He grew pumpkins for all my kindergarteners when I was teaching. He is very active in his high school - cross-country, drama, and the Homecoming King this Fall. I would be grateful if you could click on The Nerd Scott and vote for Scott. The video is 30 seconds and is quite funny. You vote after watching the video. You can vote as many times as you want and if you could pass this message on that would be great! Thank-you so much!"

The video, his submission, is hilarious! We'd appreciate your vote!

http://www.cbs.com/specials/grammys/moment/

Comment by Kellie Spatz on November 17, 2008 at 2:10pm

I hope everyone here really does have a sense of humor!!! I think this is so true!!!
LOL,
Kellie

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last